New Beginnings

First of all........

No one is evidently looking at my page, but, that's okay! I find it very cathartic to put down in writing the twists and turns in my life whilst being as honest I as possibly can. You see, in the past being honest has not always been the best policy as I have been at times very naive and trusted people with my deepest thoughts and fears; this has led to abuse and deep hurt by being betrayed, but, by God's grace and love I am learning how to let all those hurts go, I am being healed in heart, soul and mind little by little, day by day, so I can say I forgive people, but will be more cautious in who I do trust; so nothing happens that we can't use as a stepping stone to growth and to learn from them, if we let them that is.

So, where am I now? Thankfully in a better place mentally and emotionally even though still struggling with health issues.

2025 was one of the worst yet one of the best too? What do I mean?

Leaving a church after 3 years leaving people who were curious, guessing what could be the reason and through no fault of theirs came up with all kinds of reasons, all of which were so far removed from the truth. So, what was the truth?

At the end of 2024 I had gone through so much emotional turmoil and tried to fix things and soldier on, as is my usual M.O. Always the 'fixer' hiding how I really feel. At the time I was okay in church, facilitating a lovely home group with lovely people who I saw as my church family; on church rota for all kinds of things, ready to commence a course for Lay Preaching, so what happened? God was about to show me what was really going on inside of me.

I will never forget preparing a study on Revelation and came to the Church at Ephesus; when it came to the point where Jesus said to that church 'you have left your first love' Boom! it hit me so hard with a conviction, I just knew the Holy Spirit was gently reminding me 'what are you doing, why are you doing what you do, where am I in all of this?' Questions and a lot of soul searching followed until I knew to carry on without examining these questions was not something I could do or wanted to do, I couldn't ignore it.

Such a long process wouldn't be fair to put you through reading all the details and, some of the things I encountered are too private and precious to share. After a personal health scare in March 2025, family health problems to contend with I was totally reliant on the Lord for strength to get through, Jenny couldn't fix these things!

After laying everything down concerning church life, trying to fix everything and everyone, it was just me trusting God could hear and answer my prayers to show me the way through, and He is.

I don't believe there are such things as coincidences with God, He allows situations and people come into our lives for a purpose, all I had and still have to do is look and listen. Through one such circumstance I had opportunity for therapy which I had always looked on as 'against trusting God' but now realise that He can and will use things and people to show us what He needs to.

After weeks of heartbreak, tears and revelation I finally began to understand who's and why's and where I was in my faith and life. 70 years old and finally learning the meaning of life, why I am here, who I am and more. I am learning about relationships and love, something I have always found impossible to grasp and receive; how could I truly love God, myself and others if I didn't know how to receive it?

This is just the start of this chapter of my life, perhaps the final chapter? All I know is I want to live the rest of my life knowing God's love for me, how to receive it from Him and others around me and of course how to love others. This is my life as it is now, past is past, can't change it, regret it or hold on to all the negative things, events etc....Finally let go!

If you want to keep following my story, it just might help you I don't know but you are more than welcome to walk with me.