It's Never too late

Sorry not been around for a couple of weeks, been a busy, funny kind of period.

Thought now would be a good time to share a little of what has been happening.

As I was approaching my 70th birthday I won't deny, it was hard for me as it probably is for most people approaching the 'big' birthdays. This one was different to all the other birthdays though. I struggled with the overwhelming reality that I may not have much more life left on the earth, so much has gone past, like the blink of an eye really. I suppose we don't have to hit a milestone birthday to feel like that, life can take a turn at any age.

I struggled feeling guilty because 'after all I'm a believer in Christ, I should have faith, trust God, not be afraid and look to my heavenly home'; yet this wasn't the case. So I took time out of everything to do some soul searching and led to where I am now, so, here goes, buckle up!

I looked back on my life from a really young age with all it's struggles from school being hard, bullying, poor self image and on and on, you get the picture. Being a young mum at 19, feeling inadequate and never really thinking I was a good enough wife and mum. I thought about the jobs I had had, encountering mean colleagues to the point I left jobs I loved; being involved in music and a member of bands, again, walked away because of mean people; church life for 42 years, being involved, serving, giving all I had to the point of burning out on several occasions; having to retire from work because of M.E. (literally my body gave up). So you can see without feeling sorry for myself, it was good I did look back, now I believe it was the Lord who wanted to show me a few things.

All of my life I have been 'on the go' everything at 100 mph, at times driven even when I wanted to say NO! but feeling obliged to say yes to things that I really didn't want to do, but perceived it was expected of me, if not, what would people think, say about me? More importantly, my Catholic upbringing and a fear of God made those feelings worse, even though I knew that God didn't not expect anything of me only my faith and trust in Him, but some habits and thoughts are hard to break, the bible calls them 'strongholds'.

Now I read the bible, I know it says 'renew your mind daily' 'take every thought captive' and many more but I have found it increasingly difficult at times, especially when I felt overwhelmed.

Over the years I have struggled with low self image, perhaps because I thought it was pride to think anything of myself? Feelings of guilt at letting people down is a biggy!

You see, I love to help people, do what I can to make them feel good, feel their pain and sorrow to the point where I would absorb it which is an unhealthy way to live.

So, what am I learning? Here is my most recent discoveries, I'm sure there are many more to come:

1. God loves me no matter what, there is nothing I can do or not do that makes Him love me more or less.

2. It's okay to say no

3. Prioritise what is important and what is not

4. Take time to relax, rest, be at peace with God, who He made me, at all the beauty around me

5. Be thankful

6. Be kind, not just to others but to myself

7. Church is NOT the centre of my world, God is (that is another story)

8. The thoughts about myself growing up i.e. you're stupid are lies (another story)

9. Be honest with others - being gracious, if people are unkind, if I'm offended then tell the truth, don't sit on it and say 'I'm okay, it's fine' when it isn't; that is not Grace, it's swallowing emotions that build up and create stress, anxiety, sadness and guilt.

10. Keep talking, tell God how I REALLY feel, He knows anyway.

11. Share with others

12. Listen to others and be with them in their trials without giving too much of myself (I can't and am not supposed to 'fix anyone' Christ does that.

I could go on and on but I won't. You see, looking at my life as a book with all it's chapters and characters, like all of us, I accumulated an awful lot of rubbish, things people said of me, expected of me, treated me and believed it and behaved accordingly; but God has shown me in His Word 'I am a new creation, old things have passed away, all things have become new' I just needed to see it myself. I no longer live in those lies but in who He says I am.

One final thing (honest). I was never any good at school and struggled to learn, afraid to ask the teachers to repeat things, so I left with no qualifications. I undertook a 3 year college course a few years ago and dropped out of the final year, why, being bullied; but recently decided to do the same course online and on my first assignment received an A; this may not seem much to some who are used to excelling in education but for someone like me it is incredible, but this is the work of God in my life that has shown me 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me'. I hope my honesty helps someone, because I am not living in shame, guilt or fear anymore (it's the new me) 😘 You see, it's never too late for your life to turn around.

https://youtu.be/pgtmlVqCKxc?si=y-BQYai5EGEVT4RL